I interviewed a 45 year old man, whom I would have never guessed has cheated on he wife. When I asked him if he did not mind doing an interview he said, "No not at all I'll be online for a while I'm planning a romantic day for my wife for her birthday, I just got to find the perfect gift to show her how much I love her." His response to that made me think that he would never cheat, but never judge a book by its cover.
LWilson: Wow, you sound like the perfect husband. Have you always done that on her birthday?
Chris: Yes, we both do it. I always try to beat what I did last year, because each year my love for her gets stronger and stronger.
LWilson: Awww that is soo sweet! Your wife is a lucky woman.
Chris: Nah, I'm the lucky one.
LWilson: Ok, to the question. Now I already know the answer to this question but I will ask anyway. Have you cheated on your wife or a girlfriend in the past?
Chris: Yes, I have cheated on my wife.
LWilson: The wife you're married to now?????
Chris: Yes, she is my only wife. We have been married since I was 19 years old.
LWilson: Wow, you sound so in love. Why did you cheat on your wife?
Chris: Don't get me wrong I'm madly in love as you women call it, but love has nothing to do with cheating. Women always want to attach love to it and that's not it at all.
LWilson: So what was it?
Chris: My wife and I got married because she was pregnant. We were both 19 years old, she was my first and for a long time my only. I guess I cheated because I regret getting married so early.
LWilson: So you didn't get a chance to sew your oats as they call it.
Chris: Something like that. After about 15 years of marriage I just couldn't shake the curiosity I wanted to know what other women were like. So I talked to my wife about a 3 some and she freaked.
LWilson: How bad did she freak?
Chris: She cursed me out. She acted like I asked her to fuck a room full of men. She screamed, cried, and she asked me why, she asked me if she hasn't been a good wife, if she wasn't enough to satisfy me.
LWilson: Did you try to explain why you felt this way or asked her if she felt the same.
Chris: I tried to explain it to her several times and she always went into a crying fit. I suggested an escort service or maybe we pick out someone at the club. She always shunned the idea.
LWilson: So when did you decide to just cheat.
Chris: My boys talked me into going on the trip to Vegas with them and they hired a stripper to come dance in the room for one of the guy's birthday. After she finished I was in the kitchen and she came in and we started talking. She was a really cool girl we went in my bedroom to talk some more, I think we talked for about 3 or 4 hours then she kissed me. I freaked out I told her I didn't have money like that. She bust out laughing and told me she is not like that she only wanted just me. I thought she was full of shit until she started sucking my dick.
LWilson: So you didn't stop her?
Chris: Hell no, She was doing some new shit! I love my wife but she not the best head giver in the world how could she be I'm the only one she has ever done that to.
LWilson: As far as you know you're the only one.
Chris: What do you mean?
LWilson: If you're cheating she could be too. Women cheat just as much as men or at least that's what statistics say.
Chris: Nah, she isn't the type to cheat.
LWilson: LOL, that's the same thing I thought about you.
Chris: Yeah, I guess so.
LWilson: So is that all, you got some head?
Chris: Nah, we hung out the whole two weeks. We had sex every night. It was something new, something different.
LWilson: Ya'll hung out?
Chris: Yeah she showed us all the hot spots and hooked my boys up with some of her friends we just had fun. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
LWilson: So was that the only time you cheated?
Chris: No, I cheated a few more times and I may cheat a little more.
LWilson: So why do you continue to cheat if your so in love with your wife.
Chris: So times I regret that fact that I love her. All my friends have these wild stories about sex with all these different girls, yes I know 90% of them are fabrications but some of them are true. I would love to have some wild college stories. I went to class in college then went home to my wife and baby. I didn't get to join a fraternity. I didn't get to stay out all night parting. I got a shit load of sleepless nights with a baby and bills screaming at me.
LWilson: So you blame your wife?
Chris: No, I don't blame her for having my baby, I didn't protect myself or her for that matter. If I didn't want a baby I should have used a condom. However, I do blame her for the way I feel now. I tried to come to her several times, which is way more then most men can say. She turned her back on me so what else was I suppose to do?
LWilson: Do you feel if she would have tried to understand that you would have never cheated?
Chris: Women always say that they can handle anything just talk to me. When men come out and say what's up women act like you stabbed them in the back. My wife acts like her pussy is the golden pussy and I shouldn't want or lust after any other pussy. I think if she would have been more open to the idea or at least talk to me I wouldn't be cheating now. I would love for her to be the leading role in my wild sex stories, but she turned down the job.
To be continued........
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Why Do Women Cheat?
Why Men Cheat?
Blog Archive
Do Men Cheat For The Thrill? Or The Sex?
When men have affairs, they tend to be motivated by sex — new sex, more sex, different sex. Women cheat for many reasons: companionship, romance, more security, and, of course, sex. But are men’s motivations really that simple? No. Even for men, cheating is far more complex.
Studies show most men who cheat want to experiment sexually and experience the rush associated with “new sex.” This is their way of prolonging indefinitely the early and intoxicating phase of infatuation in a relationship. But men also have affairs to either avoid intimacy, recover their lost youth, or escape an unhappy marriage.
Men who fear intimacy will have affairs to maintain power in their relationships. If a man doesn't commit to his lover, he controls his level of vulnerability. Some men cheat in fact to avoid any real intimacy. Intimacy scares them, so they distance themselves from their wives by cheating on them and they don’t get emotionally involved with their lovers. This way they never have to trust their partners or rely on them. This kind of man may also fear conflict.
Then there are men who will strike up an affair when they start to feel the fear and loss that comes with aging. They realize they are no longer young and invulnerable, so they have an affair to deny that they are getting old. Finding someone who is “young and new,” makes them feel more youthful.
Biologists believe men cheat by the Darwinian instinct to spread their genetic seed to more mates (whereas women would one mate to get protection and support). However, since more women are cheating, this suggests that they felt societal pressure in the past to suppress their sexual desires. There also may be another reason men are more likely to stray: environment. Psychologically speaking, men who cheat are often the child of an adulterer. They are repeating behavior that they know and looking to correct that feeling that no one ever loved only them.
Not all affairs are created equal. There is the one-night stand, the long-term love affair, and the tryst that serves as a way to end a marriage. Not all affairs happen because the marriage is in obvious trouble or bad. However, a conflict-ridden marriage will certainly be at greater risk. Many women mistakenly believe the mistress must be more attractive than she. Actually, this is not often the case. It seems to be the wish for newness and variety, as well as the particular man’s psychological needs and vulnerabilities that is more the motivator. While a marriage might not be bad, it can still lack honesty and active communication.
Adultery need not be the end of a marriage, though it certainly is one heck of a wake up call. If you are contemplating an affair, then there is no question you will be SORRY! Affairs hurt everyone, including you. You cannot keep both women, so you will be distressed at some point. Don’t leave yourself in susceptible situations, such as when alcohol is involved.
By: Dr. Gail Saltz
To read more:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18096687/
Studies show most men who cheat want to experiment sexually and experience the rush associated with “new sex.” This is their way of prolonging indefinitely the early and intoxicating phase of infatuation in a relationship. But men also have affairs to either avoid intimacy, recover their lost youth, or escape an unhappy marriage.
Men who fear intimacy will have affairs to maintain power in their relationships. If a man doesn't commit to his lover, he controls his level of vulnerability. Some men cheat in fact to avoid any real intimacy. Intimacy scares them, so they distance themselves from their wives by cheating on them and they don’t get emotionally involved with their lovers. This way they never have to trust their partners or rely on them. This kind of man may also fear conflict.
Then there are men who will strike up an affair when they start to feel the fear and loss that comes with aging. They realize they are no longer young and invulnerable, so they have an affair to deny that they are getting old. Finding someone who is “young and new,” makes them feel more youthful.
Biologists believe men cheat by the Darwinian instinct to spread their genetic seed to more mates (whereas women would one mate to get protection and support). However, since more women are cheating, this suggests that they felt societal pressure in the past to suppress their sexual desires. There also may be another reason men are more likely to stray: environment. Psychologically speaking, men who cheat are often the child of an adulterer. They are repeating behavior that they know and looking to correct that feeling that no one ever loved only them.
Not all affairs are created equal. There is the one-night stand, the long-term love affair, and the tryst that serves as a way to end a marriage. Not all affairs happen because the marriage is in obvious trouble or bad. However, a conflict-ridden marriage will certainly be at greater risk. Many women mistakenly believe the mistress must be more attractive than she. Actually, this is not often the case. It seems to be the wish for newness and variety, as well as the particular man’s psychological needs and vulnerabilities that is more the motivator. While a marriage might not be bad, it can still lack honesty and active communication.
Adultery need not be the end of a marriage, though it certainly is one heck of a wake up call. If you are contemplating an affair, then there is no question you will be SORRY! Affairs hurt everyone, including you. You cannot keep both women, so you will be distressed at some point. Don’t leave yourself in susceptible situations, such as when alcohol is involved.
By: Dr. Gail Saltz
To read more:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18096687/
Women Can be Cheaters Too!!
Men have not cornered the market when it comes to philandering. Women tend to be motivated to cheat by more emotional factors than men. Women are really looking for communication and emotional intimacy in the new bond. They want to talk to someone who makes them feel important, cared for, secure and understood. Many women cheat out of feelings of insecurity over their abilities and their attractiveness. Some women feel lonely within their marriages and want to connect to someone who will be affectionate and attentive.
Anger and disappointment with their spouse often spurs a woman to seek another man. She may specifically look for a man who makes more money or has a better job. Or this may just be a means of punishing her husband for not giving her the emotional attention she craves.
The search for feeling sexy, playful and less sexually inhibited may also be the start of an affair, especially if fears of aging and loss of attractiveness are bothering her. Psychologically women who enter into affairs with men who are 10 to 20 years older than them may be looking for affection from a father who never gave it to them. If their father was gone, neglectful or angry a lot she may crave that paternal attention and seek it in an affair. Sometimes women who struggle with depression start affairs to push away the depressed feelings and be swept up in romance.
Most women will say that while romance is important to them and they care for this lover that they are not actually in love with him. While sex does happen, sharing confidences ranks high in importance. Women often choose to cheat with married men. It seems safer in terms of sexually transmitted diseases, concerns over having the man reveal the affair and not having too much time or effort asked of them.
Full-time working women are more likely to cheat then stay-at-home women and their lover more than half the time comes from work. This is partially due to opportunity but also has a lot to do with feeling that the man is interested in what she thinks about and who she is. Sometimes women cheat because they believe it will somehow help their ailing marriage. This is a MYTH. In fact, the excitement of new romance often makes their marriage seem even more drab and horrible and they really want to leave. Generally speaking women are less likely to jump into an affair. Many women have known their affair partner for at least a few months and have contemplated having the affair for weeks.
Getting over the affair when a woman cheats requires the same kind of work as when a man cheats … but the job is harder. In general, men are less forgiving of their wife cheating than wives are about their cheating husbands. Overall, only about a third of marriages survive affairs. It is hard to forgive, redevelop trust and make your marriage a more intimate and satisfying one but it can be done. Some couples find their marriage is the best it has ever been after repairing from an affair.
By: Dr. Gail Saltz
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18096687/page/2/
Anger and disappointment with their spouse often spurs a woman to seek another man. She may specifically look for a man who makes more money or has a better job. Or this may just be a means of punishing her husband for not giving her the emotional attention she craves.
The search for feeling sexy, playful and less sexually inhibited may also be the start of an affair, especially if fears of aging and loss of attractiveness are bothering her. Psychologically women who enter into affairs with men who are 10 to 20 years older than them may be looking for affection from a father who never gave it to them. If their father was gone, neglectful or angry a lot she may crave that paternal attention and seek it in an affair. Sometimes women who struggle with depression start affairs to push away the depressed feelings and be swept up in romance.
Most women will say that while romance is important to them and they care for this lover that they are not actually in love with him. While sex does happen, sharing confidences ranks high in importance. Women often choose to cheat with married men. It seems safer in terms of sexually transmitted diseases, concerns over having the man reveal the affair and not having too much time or effort asked of them.
Full-time working women are more likely to cheat then stay-at-home women and their lover more than half the time comes from work. This is partially due to opportunity but also has a lot to do with feeling that the man is interested in what she thinks about and who she is. Sometimes women cheat because they believe it will somehow help their ailing marriage. This is a MYTH. In fact, the excitement of new romance often makes their marriage seem even more drab and horrible and they really want to leave. Generally speaking women are less likely to jump into an affair. Many women have known their affair partner for at least a few months and have contemplated having the affair for weeks.
Getting over the affair when a woman cheats requires the same kind of work as when a man cheats … but the job is harder. In general, men are less forgiving of their wife cheating than wives are about their cheating husbands. Overall, only about a third of marriages survive affairs. It is hard to forgive, redevelop trust and make your marriage a more intimate and satisfying one but it can be done. Some couples find their marriage is the best it has ever been after repairing from an affair.
By: Dr. Gail Saltz
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18096687/page/2/
Essence Magazine
Essence Magazine did an article called "Why Do Men Cheat ?". They asked a few men this age old questions and also talk to author and professor Michael Eric Dyson. Here is just a touch of what the article had to say.
Michael Eric Dyson Breaks it down:
“Why do some Black men cheat? Because they can. The usual reasons (or excuses): She doesn’t understand me; she doesn’t take care of her body; she’s too busy with the kids; she loves her career more than me. Notice all of this deflects attention from us. The first sign of difficulty in a relationship, we’re in the arms of another.There are different kinds of cheaters, but the most common are the accidental, occasional and habitual ones. Accidental two-timers step out because of circumstance. Met her at the bar on the way home from work and hit it quick. They’re usually not repeaters and are very remorseful. Occasional cheaters take advantage of amorous relations at their convenience, wishing not to disrupt home. Habitual cheaters sleep around as often as they can. They’re always working late, going on business trips, or conveniently turning off their cell phones. Dealing with infidelity isn’t easy, and a woman should never blame herself for her man’s affair: He’s responsible for his behavior. She just has to decide what kind of cheater she has on her hands to determine what to do—keep him or kick him to the curb.
Michael Eric Dyson is the Avalon Foundation Professor in the Humanities at the University of Pennsylvania.
To read the article in its entirety check the link below.
http://www.essence.com/essence/bodyandsoul/relationships/0,16109,1566755,00.html
Michael Eric Dyson Breaks it down:
“Why do some Black men cheat? Because they can. The usual reasons (or excuses): She doesn’t understand me; she doesn’t take care of her body; she’s too busy with the kids; she loves her career more than me. Notice all of this deflects attention from us. The first sign of difficulty in a relationship, we’re in the arms of another.There are different kinds of cheaters, but the most common are the accidental, occasional and habitual ones. Accidental two-timers step out because of circumstance. Met her at the bar on the way home from work and hit it quick. They’re usually not repeaters and are very remorseful. Occasional cheaters take advantage of amorous relations at their convenience, wishing not to disrupt home. Habitual cheaters sleep around as often as they can. They’re always working late, going on business trips, or conveniently turning off their cell phones. Dealing with infidelity isn’t easy, and a woman should never blame herself for her man’s affair: He’s responsible for his behavior. She just has to decide what kind of cheater she has on her hands to determine what to do—keep him or kick him to the curb.
Michael Eric Dyson is the Avalon Foundation Professor in the Humanities at the University of Pennsylvania.
To read the article in its entirety check the link below.
http://www.essence.com/essence/bodyandsoul/relationships/0,16109,1566755,00.html
Cosmo Magazine
Cosmo magazine has an ask they guy guru section in their magazine and here is one of the questions that was asked.
Will he stop cheating for me?
Q: One of my best guy friends is a total player who always strings girls along. If he actually does get into a relationship, he usually winds up cheating. He says that he just hasn't met a girl who could actually hold his interest. Well, I guess he decided that I was that girl, because the other day, he confessed his love for me. I feel the same way, but I'm concerned about his cheating. He said that it would be different with me, but I'm not sure. What do you think?
A: Not to be a player hater, but you need to be cautious. Very cautious. If at some point he had proved to be a nice, decent boyfriend, I might say, "Go for it!" because at least you'd know he was capable of a healthy relationship. But all you have to go on is his lying, cheating track record. That should be a big flashing warning sign to stay the hell away.Another red flag: Notice how he never takes responsibility for his infidelity -- he blames his bad behavior on the fact that the girls were lame, rather than admitting to his own shortcomings. This attitude is what allows a cheater to indulge in all of his selfish whims -- without regard for anyone else's feelings.I know, I know. You're probably saying, "But it will be different with me. He just hasn't met The One...and I'm it!" Why is it that every woman thinks she's going to save a man from his heinous habits? The truth is, most people don't change, at least not very much. To expect that a player will magically morph into a monogamous man is asking a lot.Even if you do give it a chance, I worry you won't ever be able to trust him. Knowing what he's done to others, you don't think you'll get jealous if he comes home late one night or you catch him talking to another girl? I know you have feelings for him, and maybe it's worth a shot. Hey, I hope I'm wrong! But if he ends up doing the same thing to you that he's done to countless other chicks, you'll not only lose a boyfriend but a good friend as well.
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/guys/will-he-stop-cheating-for-me
Will he stop cheating for me?
Q: One of my best guy friends is a total player who always strings girls along. If he actually does get into a relationship, he usually winds up cheating. He says that he just hasn't met a girl who could actually hold his interest. Well, I guess he decided that I was that girl, because the other day, he confessed his love for me. I feel the same way, but I'm concerned about his cheating. He said that it would be different with me, but I'm not sure. What do you think?
A: Not to be a player hater, but you need to be cautious. Very cautious. If at some point he had proved to be a nice, decent boyfriend, I might say, "Go for it!" because at least you'd know he was capable of a healthy relationship. But all you have to go on is his lying, cheating track record. That should be a big flashing warning sign to stay the hell away.Another red flag: Notice how he never takes responsibility for his infidelity -- he blames his bad behavior on the fact that the girls were lame, rather than admitting to his own shortcomings. This attitude is what allows a cheater to indulge in all of his selfish whims -- without regard for anyone else's feelings.I know, I know. You're probably saying, "But it will be different with me. He just hasn't met The One...and I'm it!" Why is it that every woman thinks she's going to save a man from his heinous habits? The truth is, most people don't change, at least not very much. To expect that a player will magically morph into a monogamous man is asking a lot.Even if you do give it a chance, I worry you won't ever be able to trust him. Knowing what he's done to others, you don't think you'll get jealous if he comes home late one night or you catch him talking to another girl? I know you have feelings for him, and maybe it's worth a shot. Hey, I hope I'm wrong! But if he ends up doing the same thing to you that he's done to countless other chicks, you'll not only lose a boyfriend but a good friend as well.
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/guys/will-he-stop-cheating-for-me
A Great site I found about the subject.
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2 comments:
One word More! People always ask why do men/women cheat this blog is providing answers.
This guy typed his wife isn't the type to cheat, but he doesn't know what she's doing. She could be having affairs left and right and he wouldn't be the wiser and I bet he would leave her if he found out she was cheating! This is what pisses me off - many men like to cheat but don't want their women to cheat or could ever imaging them cheating on them. When they find out their woman is cheating, she becomes all kinds of bitches, "hos" and sluts, but when they do it, he may expect her to stay with and forgive him, and unfortunately, many women do stay with cheaters...and the cheaters keep cheating. Sad!!!
Even though this blog is an eye-opener, there is no good reason to cheat. To me, cheaters are stupid selfish and hurtful.
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