Open Marriage

I did an interview with a wonderful couple whom have an open marriage. Their views on cheating was slightly different than most. Susan is an Senior V.P. of a corporation, Nathan Executive of a major company so needless to say they travel a lot. This was indeed an enlightening interview.

LWilson: I see that you in the married but looking chat room, are you looking for a fling?
Nathan: No, just looking for some fun.

LWilson: OK, well why do you think men cheat?
Nathan: Limitations make men feel antsy, they feel like they're missing out on something great. Not realizing that thing's weren't that spectacular when they were single. They look at other guys out there and think that amazing sex is happening to them every minute of the day.

LWilson: Have you cheated on your wife?
Nathan: No, I would never cheat on my wife.

LWilson: OK, I'm a bit confused. Your in the married but looking chat room, are you just looking for chat?
Nathan: LOL I see how that could be confusing, but actually me and my wife are online now we were looking for someone to have fun with.

LWilson: Oh, you guys are looking for a threesome?
Nathan: LOL No, she is in another state on business. We just go to chat rooms when we are separate from each other. We have an understanding about our sex lives.

LWilson: What is that understanding?
Susan: Hi, I'm Nathan's wife. We have an agreement about sex. We don't believe that couples can truly and honestly be monogamous forever. We think couple have periods of monogamy.
Nathan: Any man or woman that said that they have never thought about having sex with someone other then their spouse is lying.

LWilson: What is a period of monogamy?
Susan: Every married couple has times when they are engulfed in each other. A time when it seems like you can't control your self around each other. Most married couples have 7 or 8 months like that out of the year, but you still have those other 4 or 5 months when others catch your eye.

LWilson: So is this a period when you and your husband aren't as close?
Susan: It's kinda like having a favorite food. You eat it everyday, all the time and then you go for a while be before you eat it again. It doesn't mean you don't like it anymore, it didn't stop being your favorite, you just wanted something else.
Nathan: If i have sex with someone else it doesn't change they way I feel about my wife. They could never replace her because we have more then just sex.

LWilson: A lot of people would say that your marriage is a lie or broken.
Susan: I have some friends that told me we're in an unhappy marriage and we do this to mask it.

LWilson: Wow, is she still your friend?
Susan: Yes, we talked about it. I explained that this works for my marriage, if anything it has brought us closer on a entirely different level. It's wonderful to watch my husband with someone else. It makes me feel like..like.... I'm the best he has ever had. I know when he makes that face what he wants or when he moves like that he wants me to do a certain thing. The other women are completely clueless on what to do, it just makes me feel like I'm irreplaceable, like he will never find anyone that can make him feel like I do.
Nathan: It's the same for me. I love watching her. She is so aggressive with other men, something that I had forgotten about her. When we are together I'm the aggressor, but when she is with someone else she like a sexual beast and I love watching her change.
Susan: LOL I won't say sexual beast, but I get a little wild.

LWilson: When other people come in the picture is it always with both of you there.
Nathan: No,we travel a lot on business so we both log on to the chat rooms and find people together.

LWilson: How do you find people together?
Nathan: Like right now we are logged on to a chat based out of Boston where she is at and we're talking to a guy who is interested in my wife. It gives me a chance to ask a few question that I'm concerned about. I just want to make sure that she is safe.
Susan: I do the same for him. I'm logged on in a chat room at home talking to a women for him.

LWilson: Is this the only way sex with other people happens or can you just have sex with someone you met at a bar?
Susan: Yes, this is the only way. We both have to be involved in the picking press it keep us connected. Now if we're both at the bar then yes. Both parties most agree on the act, that includes where, with whom, how, and what.

LWilson: So you decided what kind of sex your going to have with someone else?
Nathan: Yes, we talk about what type of mood each other is in and decided what we're going to do with them and what we would prefer to do with each other.

LWilson: You rules change every time?
Susan: Not necessarily change. We are all attracted to different people for different reasons. So sex would be different with different people. So we tell each other what we like about that person and what we would like to do and make sure that we are both in agreement with everything.

LWilson: So your rules apply to what attraction you have for the person.
Nathan: Yes, but I could tell her if I'm not comfortable with that or not. For example she came across a guy that was in to a lite S&M. She wanted to try it, but it wasn't something that I was comfortable with.

LWilson: One might argue that your comfortable with you wife sleeping with someone else, why not a little spanking here or there?
Nathan: LOL, very good point. I think it was more about her having a new sexual experience with someone else. I like the thought that when my wife thinks of a new sexual experience she has had it's my face that comes to mind.

LWilson: Susan have you had to say no to a few partners Nathan has picked out?
Nathan: YES!
Susan: LOL There were a few woman whom I thought were to clingy. They just seemed like that type that would try to ruin what me and my husband have. I'm not saying I don't trust my husband, but some women just have this negative feel about them.

LWilson: Have you ever argued about any of your sexual partners?
Nathan: YES
Susan: YES
Nathan: When we first started this I thought I could handle it all. I didn't think I would have any issues. However, I saw my wife doing some of the things that I love to someone else it......it was an immediate feeling of rage.

LWilson: What happened?
Nathan: I didn't blow up or anything.
Susan: At least not at first he didn't.
Nathan: Ok, I did blow up I didn't talk to her for 2 or 3 weeks. I couldn't even touch her. I felt like we had destroyed our marriage or I felt like she destroyed it. Not realizing that everything that she was doing I was doing to the guy's wife. She asked me what was going on with me and I just exploded. I called her all kinds of names, I just had a jealous fit.

LWilson: Wow, Susan how did you react?
Susan: I just listened and cried. I couldn't believe he would be so one sided like that. I had always thought my husband didn't have that male ego attitude. It was like I was married to someone else.

LWilson: How did you guys get over that?
Nathan: I got over it. I was the one who had the problem. I was talking to one of my good friends, I told her about everything that happened and she laughed at me. I was taken aback by her hysterical laughter. She called me an idiot and laughed more. She point out everything that I wasn't looking at and called me a male chauvinist pig. She finally stop laughing when she realized that I was crying. I thought it was over, I couldn't believe myself.
Susan: He came later that day and told me what happened and we laughed for hours. We promised each other that we would always talk before, just to make sure we were both ok.

LWilson: Susan have you had an angry moment?
Susan: Yes, My husband found a couple for us while it was out of town. I chatted with the wife online for a few days. The husband was someone my husband went to the gym with. Nathan described the guy as someone who works out a lot, a good looking guy. Well, when I got home and we went to a hotel room to meet them. The wife walks in and she is stunning the husband walks in and he is the most hairiest man I have every seen. It was so disgusting. He had a beer belly, he looked like so old pervert.
Nathan: In my defense I don't check out guys. His wife was hot.
Susan: But you could have looked at him. lol

LWilson: What did you do?
Susan: I told him I wasn't attracted to him that we couldn't do anything. He said ok, but he still wanted to watch his wife with my Husband. That was fine with me and Nathan was still happy.
Nathan: :)

LWilson: Would this be something you think could fix cheating in marriage?
Nathan: No, absolutely not. I don't think it's something men especially can handle. We put up this good game that we would be ok with spouse swapping ,but when it actually comes down to another men pleasing your wife it's hard to control your jealousy.
Susan: No, it is no for every body. I have to get over the "he wants me to look like her," in my head. Most of the women look nothing like me and I get a little intimidated by that. There was one point that I was sure that I needed to look like them because I'm lacking in those departments, but it was more about having something different for my husband.
Nathan: It's not easy to tell you wife that "hey that guy made me a little self conscious," or "I like her because she has big tits, but your tits are perfect for me." It makes us communicate with each other much more.
Susan: It's definitely not for everyone!
Nathan: It's definitely not for everyone!